We must begin this page by saying that if you’ve reached this page, you probably already know too much—not in the sense of getting “disappeared” by gangsters or secret agents, but in the (admittedly far less worrying) sense that it’s just better to read a book without knowing very much about it in advance. So, the following buttons give you one last chance to avoid spoiling the experience.

But, we do understand that some folks prefer a bit of spoilage, just so they have a better feel for what exactly they’re getting themselves into (while others know full well they are never going to read the book, so nothing they see here could possibly spoil anything for them). In the spirit of compromise, we’ve decided to go ahead and give you some additional info, but only about characters—no plot details. And if you’ve heard the real reason for this is that the book has no plot, well that is simply a vicious and wholly fallacious rumor, perpetuated by jealous types peddling inferior novels.

The following are the principal characters of REVOLUTION. At least one of them appears on every single page, guaranteed. Well, fine—on the vast majority of pages.

Bill Smede is a middle-aged father of two, living in Los Angeles and working remotely in a computery-techy sort of job, who is made nervous and/or irritated by most aspects of his life and environment but maintains a sense of humor about it all and can’t really imagine anything better, even in a fantasy.

Yvonne Smede is married to Bill, whom she deeply loves and respects and can barely tolerate. Her job is being the most competent person in a hospital I.T. department. She and her husband are reluctant members of a small (six people), informal social club called The Evils (for their unhealthy habits of too much food/drink, too little sleep).

Patrick Smede, an aspiring entrepreneur, is the oldest child of Yvonne and Bill. He finished high school a year or two or three ago, but has exhibited a marked sluggishness in selecting and beginning the next chapter of his life.

Alice Smede, the youngest child of Yvonne and Bill, attends College High School in the most minimal fashion she feels is permissible. Her favorite pastimes are hanging out with her two best friends, listening to music through earbuds, and not speaking.

Amy Lee, a self-confident, happy-go-lucky, expressive woman, is both a friend and a work colleague of Yvonne Smede, and serves unwittingly as the leader of The Evils (and, in fact, doesn’t even know the group’s name).

Jake Lee, husband of Amy and father of her two young children, loves conversing on any topic, collecting comic books, and looking up facts on his phone. He is the largest and loudest member of The Evils.

Gary Williams brings enthusiasm, positivity and passion to all his endeavors, which include socializing, working at the corporate level of a franchised coffee shop chain, and at least one hobby. His friends Bill and Yvonne live just down the street from him.

Scott Portcullis, Gary’s husband, is a cautious, serious-minded, worry-prone but overall quite happy man who enjoys reading about baseball, his job as an engineer, putting more gel in his hair, and carefully planning things.

Irene Hoffman knew Bill Smede when they were in high school in Orange County, and still knows him now. She never left Orange County, and never will. She takes great pride and pleasure in her location, as well as her superbly well-orchestrated marriage and home life, her four highly gifted children, and, most of all, the monumentally successful business she is destined one day to create.

Juice Hughes-Newton lives very comfortably in the San Fernando Valley, a section of L.A. separated from the Smedes’ area by a landform charitably regarded as a mountain range. She and Yvonne, who’ve been friends since college, frequently get together for food, drink, shopping, or just chitchat, with location and timing always dictated by Juice.

Matt Spratt has been best pals with Bill Smede for decades, despite vast differences in their personalities. Matt consistently succeeds in two almost miraculous feats: deeming lots of things very important and interesting while never getting the least bit stressed or worried about any of them; and relying on other people for virtually everything in his life without ever annoying or offending anyone.

Francisco Danilo Rosario is a friend of Yvonne Smede whom she met at work several years back. Coming from money, well educated, never married and childless, Francisco has always spent his copious free time delving deeply and academically into various complex subjects, but has endured persistent torment from his baser desires, his tender heart and his outsize self-doubt.

Debbie Smede, Bill’s twin sister, has a fundamentally sunny disposition and typically demonstrates a joie de vivre rarely found in someone who drinks so little. She and her brother have (understandably) never been very close, but have always liked and cared for each other. Debbie loves to spend time with the people in her life, especially her wife, her two daughters, and her mother… as well as honorary “person” Fritz (her dog).

Laura Johnson befriended Yvonne Smede and Amy Lee years ago at work, and these days is their manager and an integral member of The Evils. Laura is a quiet, anti-social type for the most part, but does like to indulge in a bit of philosophical banter and sharing of anecdotes, especially if they involve competitive smartphone fact-checking.

Mike Howell, a joker, schemer, prankster, and former drifter, built a fantastic relationship with Laura (now his wife of many years) based on them both not relating very well to others and having nearly nothing else in common. He tends to approach his membership in The Evils with a smile and a shrug, but always ends up thoroughly enjoying their outings.

Okay, so you’ve got more info like you wanted. Now go back up there and click one of those buttons.